what it’s like to meditate

Posted on November 15, 2016. Filed under: Uncategorized |

Alarm goes off…what day is it? is it Sunday…mmm…no it’s Tuesday…get your ass out of bed…we are not going to snooze our way through this transition…it’s just not gonna happen. brushes teeth…showers…i don’t feel like meditating today…no we’re going to meditate today, 20 minutes, before coffee…like we do everyday…because you know we feel so much better and think so much more clearly when we meditate…yea, you’re right…sits on cushions…starts timer…closes eyes…darkness…familiar darkness…what do i hear? cars passing, refrigerator humming…what do i see? white light shining through my eye lids…small specs in a matted dark space that has some volume to it…what do i smell? nothing…mmm…maybe some maple syrup…no idea why…what do i taste? leftover toothpaste…maybe something sour…what do i feel? an itch on my neck…the feeling of the skin on my outer left foot pressed against our hard wood floors…ok…i am present…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5…i wonder what kenny is doing right now…i miss kenny…4, 3, 2, 1….1, 2, ah, the matte like space looks a little different…3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8… i really enjoyed my tea with Dearing…yes…he is an unusual guy…i think he’s good though…were my ideas good? are my ideas good? yes…they”re good…some are not correct, but always original…i’m so bored of unoriginal thinking…there are so many funds right now…so many derivative companies…it’s so noisy…are my ideas still valuable? yes? you just need to change your approach…a lot has happened in the market since you thought this way…ok, what’s a new appr…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…1, 2, 3, 4…remember Lois Ratner…she drove me to school every day growing up…that was so nice of her…5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…10, 9, 8, 7, 6…did she judge me as a child? maybe…i was the whacky one…her kids were much more together every morning…5, 4, 3, 2, 1…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10..10, 9, 8…shoulders drop…man…i was holding something that i just let go of…that feels good…7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…do i want a job? maybe…but there are so few funds i’d be excited to join…and who knows if they are looking for new partners…probably not…i want to raise a fund..pick my partners…but there are so many fucking funds…does the world need another fund? yes…it just has to be different…that’s doable…i wish it didn’t have to be a seed fund. I’d rather have $300M than $30M…2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7….chill out…take your time…let the world unfold a bit…you’re going to India…stay loose…it’s not time yet…8, 9, 10…10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…maybe it’s time to start having coffees…maybe it’s time to let the world know you are ready to hustle…but your vision isn’t baked…and so much of what’s getting backed is completely boring…we need to get our arms around everything interesting…but the world is different…too many companies, raising too many rounds, from too many funds to build the mental map of the market…we need new tools…we need a new framework and process for keeping tabs…we need softwa…2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…1, 2, 3, 4 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…the dark matted space is a different shape…there is a light center in the midst of the darkness…is it someone i have known in the past…is it energy…focus on it…go deeper…it’s gone…2, 3, 4, 5, 6…it’s back…it’s peace…and lightness…and CHIMES…20 minutes…hold onto this lightness…opens eyes…stretches…fills tea pot…walks to front door to pick up the paper…sit’s down to begin day…the world is interesting…and in flux…and i am meant to do something…eyes open..embrace others…feel no shame…smile…let’s write something…